Total Betty Tarotscopes: '90s Love Advice for Every Sign
No matter how much you detest the Hallmark perversions that surround this time of year, there’s something sweet about February’s attempt to bring out the lover in us all. Call it a necessary evil to get through the wait between the real holidays and spring, but whether you’re binge watching rom coms solo, having a few nights out with your girls, or spending quality time with a certain someone, this is your green light to go for love in all it’s forms.
That’s why, in anticipation of your Valentine’s, Galentine’s, or Singles Awareness Day celebrations, we’ve put together a little timeless love advice for every sign courtesy of the ’90s-themed Total Betty Goddess Deck.
TIP: Read your Sun (friendships), Moon (self), and Venus (relationships) signs for a well-rounded perspective on what February has in store.
Aries: Fortuna
Jenna Elfman as The Angel/Stripper in Can’t Hardly Wait
“There is fate, but it only takes you so far because once you’re there, it’s up to you to make it happen.”
The perfect advice for go get ‘em Aries! This is your opportunity to do what your impulsive sign does best: dive in! Don’t hesitate at the end of the diving board, but do check to make sure the pool is filled with water first. If there’s something in your heart you’ve been meaning to take a leap on, try it out. Even if you belly flop, it’s better than never setting foot in the water at all.
Taurus: Seshat
Parker Posey as Mary in Party Girl
“I guess you didn’t know we had a system for putting books away here.”
You thrive in environments where you can feel in control, dear Taurus. The thing is, you can’t control the people you love. So instead, focus that energy on making a plan. Surprise your friends, yourself, or your main squeeze with a well executed night filled with pre-planned activities showing just how much you care. Set those systems in place well before the desired date and you too will be able to enjoy the festivities.
Gemini: Nemesis
Danielle Fishel as Topanga Lawrence in Boy Meets World
“I do my thing and you do your thing. You are you and I am I. And if in the end we end up together, it’s beautiful.”
Ever the independent air sign, you feel loved when you’re allowed to be independent, Gemini. That’s not to say you don’t want to spend plenty of time socializing with those you love…after all, you love a good meeting of the minds. Just be sure you each allow the other plenty of time and space to become re-inspired for your next discourse.
Cancer: Lupa
Fran Drescher as Fran Fine in The Nanny
“I come from Flushing, there is nothing these kids can throw at me that I haven’t seen before…except maybe their trust funds.”
Ever the careful caretaker, Cancer. You show your love best by mothering (or nanny-ing) those around you. Just be sure to save some of that TLC for yourself as well. After all, you cannot pour from an empty milk jug. Be sure to carve out time for your self care now so that there’s plenty of care to share with those you love later.
Leo: Venus
Alanis Morissette, Jagged Little Pill
“I recommend walking around naked in your living room.”
There are likely plenty of people to love and be loved by in your life, dear Leo, but who better to dedicated your affection to this month than yourself? Fluff up your lion-like mane, polish up your paws, and take yourself out for a night on the town. If those you love care to join you, the more the merrier. Either way, you’ll find pleasure in your own company.
Virgo: Minerva
Angelina Jolie, Kate Libby in Hackers
“Never send a boy to do a woman’s job.”
Communication is the key in all of your collaborations this month, Virgo. If you’re usually tight lipped and timid about sharing your feelings, it’s time to open up. The divine feminine enters all conversations with an open heart and a readiness to both give and receive. Don’t let a lag in your sharing style cause your relationship to buffer. It’s time to hack into your heart and livestream how you really feel.
Libra: Brizo
Helena Bonham Carter as Marla Singer in Fight Club
“If I fall asleep, I’m done for. You’re going to have to keep me up…all night.”
Whether you’re up all night in your dreams or with someone in real life, the time you spend between the sheets could be vital to your relationships this month. Don’t underestimate the power of what you can discover when the lights go out and there’s nothing to distract you from your subconscious. Avoid too much late night screen time and focus your energy instead on what you can learn from the darkness.
Scorpio: Durga
Kristy Swanson as Buffy in Buffy the Vampire Slayer
“All I want to do is graduate from high school, move to Europe, marry Christian Slater, and die. And now you show up and tell me I'm a member of the hairy mole club so you can throw things at me?”
As much as you’d like to escape darker parts of your psyche, Scorpio, they are your destiny. Relationships will likely always feel a little intense, but you can lighten their load by doing your own inner demon work on the side. Don’t ask your loved ones to save you when you’re fully capable of saving yourself.
Sagittarius: Ate
Courtney Love, Live Through This
“I wanna be the girl with the most cake.”
You want it all, Sagittarius. The comforts of home and the freedom of wanderlust, the safety of love and the openness of possibility. Believe it or not, it’s possible, but you have to break a few eggs to make that omelette. Don’t be afraid to have hard conversations this month. Yours may be unconventional needs, but with clear communication and compromise, you can create the rules for this game that help everyone feel secure.
Capricorn: Circe
Sandra Bullock as Sally Owens in Practical Magic
“Keep rosemary by your garden gate. Plant lavender for luck. And fall in love whenever you can.”
If every word you speak is a spell, what sort of love are you drawing into your life this month, dear Cap? Be careful what you wish for and even what you say in jest, the Universe is listening. Get super clear on what you desire and repeat those desires as often as you can in a positive light. Notice anytime love shows up for you and you’ll continue to call more love into your life.
Aquarius: Vesta
Liv Tyler as Corey Mason in Empire Records
“I didn’t realize that it was love because it was more than love and it wasn’t just some stupid feeling in my stomach like everything else.”
If anyone can blend friendship with love and innocence with sexuality (while leaving the rest of the world wondering WTF is going on), it’s you Aquarius. You don’t have to play by the rules, but living in a world of contradictions means you do need to communicate your intentions clearly. Don’t assume everyone sees love the way that you do, explain your perspective and listen to theirs.
Pisces: The Fates
Rachel True, Fairuza Balk, & Neve Campbell as Rochelle, Nancy, & Bonnie in The Craft
“How do you enter the circle? With perfect love and perfect trust.”
Do you trust your inner circle? It’s a good time to take stock of the energies that surround you. In the best of cases, your relationships make you better, but in the worst, they hold you down. Get honest with yourself about who deserves a coveted spot in your heart. Make the necessary edits and then shower those who made the cut with magic. It will soon come back to you times three.